Holiday Dreams
by PaperFrames
Summary: Fitz and Olivia are on the outs. Can they make it back to each other before Christmas?
1. Christmas

**A/N:** Here's my Christmas entry. Fair warning, it starts off sad, but hopefully the ending is a good payoff. It's also not super Christmasy, as you'll see. Blame that on the James Bay I listened to a thousand times before I started writing.

Merry X-Mas/ Chag Sameach/Happy Kwanza/Whatever holiday you rock with.

* * *

He was surprised to see her name pop up on his screen. Unless she was calling to talk about Tommy, their contact was limited. He could count on one hand how many times she'd called for something other than their six-year-old son.

Twice, to be exact. The first time had been to see if he thought that they should sell their Maxwell tickets; he'd bought them around the beginning of the year as a birthday gift for Olivia. Maxwell had provided the soundtrack to their history as a couple throughout the years. When he'd purchased the tickets back in back in December, he never thought that by September they'd be on month six of a court ordered separation. It all had come at him so sudden.

One-minute his life was normal, the next Olivia confessed to seeing someone else. For what it'd been worth, she'd reassured him that it wasn't a physical affair, but emotional. He would never forget the look in her eyes, though, as she confessed that it was becoming increasingly harder for her not to let it become physical. The tears that slipped down her sharp cheeks as she explained how he wasn't there for her anymore still haunted his memory. They left him combining through the last ten years of their lives together, wondering at what point he'd stopped paying her the attention she deserved. When did he stop _seeing_ _her_ like she explained from her side of the bed?

The second time she'd called him since their separation started was a night that had given him false hope. She called, asking how to light the pilot on the furnace. Fitz had been blocks away from their home and offered to come light it for her. He could see the remnants of red wine on her lips and the heat in her eyes once he'd announced the furnace was all set to go.

Before he could bid farewell, she'd jump him; tongue plundering his mouth, hands tangled in his hair. It'd been so long since they'd touched that Fitz didn't hesitate to lift her in his arms, take her to their bedroom (while pushing thoughts away of her making love to another man) and give her all that was in him. He'd fucked her with purpose. He'd fucked her with full intensity and passion – hell bent on punishing and promising her that everything within him still loved her without hesitation. Despite everything, she was still it for him.

And for a small moment, buried deep inside of her, lips brushing against the shell of her ear, whispering how much he loved her in between bites of _mine_, he thought everything was okay. He thought all had been forgiven and forgotten. But it hadn't. The next morning she awoke, swollen lips and frizzy hair; love bites marring her silky flesh from her thighs to her neck, in regret. She'd wrapped herself in their sex stained sheets and asked him to leave.

_Please leave, this was a mistake_, Olivia had whispered. The words shredded his already threadbare heart.

"Fitz?"

He blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts. "Uh, yeah?"

"Were you paying attention to me?" she asked.

Fitz sighed, scratching the five o'clock shadow budding on his cheeks. "I-uh…"

There was shuffling on the other end of the phone followed by a long and disgruntled sigh. "You never listen to me."

He frowned and lowered his eyes to the black and white tiled kitchen floor of his apartment.

"I said that Tommy said you'd be over tonight to help us decorate the tree."

"Shit," he hissed. She'd been very clear about their custody arrangements. She'd hammered them home and they'd mostly consisted of them avoiding each other. "Liv, I'm sorry. When he asked, I didn't think anything of it. Put him on and I'll explain that I overstepped. Let him know that I'll get a tree for him here and we'll decorate it later."

"No. You don't have to do that. Come over."

Had he heard her right? "What?"

"I said come over. It's really no issue. I told you when I asked for the separation that Tommy trumped any issues you and I might have. He wants you here and—"

"Do you want me there?" The words barreled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Fitz…" His name on her lips was once a sacred sound, but now it left him in pain.

"I'm sorry. I'll be there in ten."

"Thank you."

/

Truth be told, she missed her husband.

Truth, also, be told, she was mad as hell at him.

And had been for a while. Somewhere in the ten years they'd been together, the fire in him burnt out. She kept going over the last few years in her head, wondering when he'd stopped seeing her. Once upon a time ago they'd been obsessed with one another. So much so that they'd spent the first two years of their coupling rarely clothed. If there was a free surface and semi privacy, they fucked. Raunchy, rough, sweet, slow. It didn't matter. All that mattered was being unable to tell where her body ended and his began.

They fought long and hard to conceive Tommy. PCOS had long been a problem for Olivia and before finding Fitz, she'd resigned herself to never having kids. After meeting the man with boyish charm and gray-blue eyes, something in her shifted. She was suddenly eager to know what it felt like to create a life with the man who'd caught her eye one afternoon while visiting her father at work.

It'd taken a year and a half plus a miscarriage for their boy to be born. Once he was, she and Fitz fell into the nuclear family mold. Olivia found herself taking more and more time off of work to contend with their growing son. Promotions she gunned for went to other people; cases she'd long had her eye on were shifted off of her plate and to other attorneys. Meanwhile, Fitz's profile skyrocketed at the hospital. He'd been promoted to chief of surgeons. His work hours grew longer and their time together increasingly harder to come by.

The more Olivia tried to explain to him that his job was taking a toll on her, the less he heard her. He'd made suggestions for romantic getaways, weekends away, and even going as far to suggest she quit her job. Each suggestion felt more cavalier than the last until she found herself unloading on Ben Reed. Ironically enough the co-worker who'd been given the case Olivia fought tooth and nail to prove she was right for. Ben was a beautiful man; the quintessential tall, dark, and handsome. He had a deep voice and soulful eyes. Some of the other attorneys in the office likened him to Idris Elba, but Olivia didn't see the resemblance.

Lunches with Ben turned into dinners; from dinners, she found herself talking to him late night while she waited up for Fitz. She and Ben became inseparable. Then he kissed her. Over greasy burgers and red wine, he'd told her she was beautiful, traced her plump lips with his fingers, and then kissed her. It wasn't until that kiss that she realized she and Fitz hadn't made love regularly in nearly a year. It was also that kiss that made her realize that she wanted another man in the same way she should want her husband. And in many ways, she'd already been with him.

Telling Fitz about Ben hurt. Watching as her husband's face contorted in pain, eyes filling with sorrow, was an ice-cold hand over her heart. But she owed it to herself and to both he and Ben, she'd told Fitz, to figure her head and heart. The separation was her idea. It felt like a sure way to sort herself through. Olivia held Fitz at a distance. She and Ben went out, they held hands in public, exchanged soft kisses goodnight, and she almost invited him inside. She wondered if she and Ben could live a good life together, though each time she tried to picture it, her mind refused.

And then she'd jumped Fitz. She hadn't intended on it but had, nonetheless. In the brief moment he stood in their basement, sleeves rolled up and curls wild in the dim light, she felt like the twenty-six-year-old girl who'd never known an orgasm before Fitz. She thought of the way he'd confess in whispers his undying love for her in the middle of the night when he thought she slept. Maybe it was the nostalgia, maybe it was the wine.

They fucked the entire night. His touch both gentle and rough; the energy that propelled him purely possessive. There'd been many times when he'd move his tongue between her folds or let his teeth graze over her pubic bone, hissing _mine_, that she wanted to tell him she'd never slept with Ben. Each time she opened her mouth, however, only a series of moans would escape her lips.

When she awoke the next morning, his teeth leaving marks behind almost ever centimeter of her skin, regret set in. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't let the physical interfere with her decision to leave or to stay in her marriage. Now it would. Now….

He knocked. Olivia blinked, tugging on the collar of her sweater. She was hot and her house was a disaster. Christmas decorations of all sorts were strewn from one end of the house to the next.

"It's dad!" Tommy yelled. His head full of dusty brown curls whipped past Olivia and toward the door.

"Thomas Elijah Grant, what have I said about the door for strangers. We don't know for certain that's dad or—" Her words were cut off as Fitz came through the door. In one hand he carried a bottle of Eggnog, in the other a pizza.

Her heart thumped wildly in her chest. It was the same feeling she had first meeting him all those years ago. It was a feeling she tried hard to ignore.

Clearing her throat, she spoke. "You didn't have to bring pizza."

"Yes, he did!" Tommy said soliciting a chuckle from Fitz.

"Bud, mind your mom," Fitz warned.

Tommy pulled a face, nose scrunching up. "Dad, she was gonna feed me vegetables! I don't even like vegetables."

Olivia opened her mouth to retort but didn't get the chance.

"Now bud, there are hundreds and probably thousands of vegetables in the world. How do you know that you don't like them all?"

"Uhm, I…uhm." The six-year-old looked at his father, stumped.

"Exactly. Plus, mom only feeds you vegetables because she loves you."

"Can she love me in chocolate?" Tommy asked.

Both Olivia and Fitz laughed.

"Go put this in the fridge, Tom." Fitz held out the eggnog bottle.

Olivia watched as their son, in all of his buttery brown glory, grabbed the eggnog bottle and trotted through the house to the kitchen. Once they were alone, Olivia turned her attention to Fitz. He seemed on edge. His shoulders were slightly hunched, and his eyes were darker – sadder. Olivia's heart constricted in her chest.

"I was gonna make us dinosaur chicken nuggets, but daddy's clearly outdone me again," She joked, giving him a half smile.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know, Liv. Really. You probably said something on the phone, and I wasn't listening. I didn't mean—" He rambled.

"Fitz, I said it was okay. Let's go eat with our son."

/

The sound of Donny Hathaway filled the room. Olivia nursed a warm glass of eggnog. She watched as Fitz and a yawning Tommy hung peppermint candy canes from the tree. Despite him saying different, Olivia could see the tiredness over taking her son. He rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand and tugged on his left ear; all tell-tale signs his was seconds away from being out like a light.

"Mom, you have to!" Tommy yelled.

Olivia blinked, realizing she'd been in her own thoughts. "Huh?"

"You have to put the angel up with dad!" Tommy said, holding the crochet angel in his tiny hands.

She looked at Fitz and he looked away. They'd tipped-toed around each other the entirety of the evening. If Fitz went left, Olivia went right.

"Bud, I think you should put it up with dad." Olivia didn't know if she could handle being that close to Fitz. The words were barely out of her mouth before Tommy folded his arms and leveled her with a stern glare. Olivia knew that glare well for it belonged to her.

"No, mom. You and dad always put it up."

"Buddy…" Fitz tried.

"No! You and dad do it! Please!" Tommy insisted. His dark brown eyes filled with tears and his bottom lip jutted out, trembling. "Please!" He pleaded.

Olivia's brows furrowed. She knew Tommy was tired, but this outburst caught her off guard. Her eyes met Fitz's.

"Buddy," Fitz tried again. He reached for angel, but Tommy wouldn't get it up.

"No, dad! It's you and mom! You and mom!" Tommy yelled. The little boy's voice cracked, and the tears spilt down his cheeks.

"Tommy, bud," Olivia tried.

"No!" Tommy threw the angel towards Olivia and her mouth dropped open in shock. He'd never thrown a fit of this caliber before let alone thrown something at her.

"That's it, Thomas Elijah Grant," Fitz barked. In two long strides he was lifting Tommy into his arms. "It's bedtime."

Olivia watched as her son and husband headed towards the stairs. Tommy kicked and screamed the entire way there.

/

Fitz couldn't believe his son's actions. He'd never seen Tommy like this. Tommy was a gentle soul, a soft boy who loved to chase butterflies and hated to be dirty. In front of him was a child that Fitz couldn't recognize.

"Come on, bud. Work with me, please," Fitz pleaded as he stripped Tommy's jeans off and tried desperately to help the boy into his pajama pants. Usually Tommy insisted on dressing himself , but tonight he was just too tired; too out of it.

Tommy continued to cry, his brown face now bright red. He moved with Fitz, lifted his arms and legs to undress and redress. Minutes later he was in Fitz's arms, thumb tucked between his teeth and head resting on Fitz's shoulder. Fitz rubbed his boy's back and sighed. He had tried – and failed – to tuck Tommy into his bed.

"Want to tell me what happened back there, Thomas? I know you aren't sleeping yet; you snore," Fitz said.

Tommy shook his head.

"Bud, come on now. You were very mad at mommy back there," Fitz tried again.

"Because," Tommy offered, voice muffled by his father's shoulder.

"Because why?"

"Because."

"Thomas." Fitz sighed. While Tommy had Fitz's soft temperament, his temper belonged to his mother. Whatever was bugging Tommy had clearly been bugging him for a long while.

"Mom said I could ask Santa for anything."

"Okay. And?" Fitz prodded.

"I gave her my list and she made me do it again."

"But downstairs wasn't about a Christmas list, buddy. Use your words. Why are you mad?"

"I asked Santa for us to live in the same house again. I ask Santa for you to come home and mom said I couldn't ask that. She said it wasn't up to Santa and it's not fair, daddy. I just wanted her to put the angel up with you and for you to stay. I don't like it when you're not here. Mom is being mean!"

Fitz could feel his eyes burning and tears budding. A knife to the heart would've hurt less. "Oh, Tommy…" He didn't know what to say. All of the words he had to offer up seemed hollow, empty and useless. A beat passed and then several more before Fitz found the courage to speak. "Bud, what's go on between me and mom…mommy is right. Santa can't fix it. Mommy and I have to fix it. And I know it's hurting you buddy, but if we don't fix it, it'll hurt even more."

Tommy shrugged out of Fitz's hold and settled into Fitz's lap. He let his head fall against his father's chest. "Is that why mom cries? Does she cry because it hurts?"

A lump formed in Fitz's throat. He felt the air leave his lungs. The mere thought of Olivia in tears ripped him into two. He almost cracked in two right there.

"Let's get some sleep, bud."

/

An hour later Olivia looked up from her spot on the couch to find Fitz making his way down the stairs that led to the townhome's second level. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she drowned in an oversized Harvard sweatshirt that belonged to Fitz.

"Did he tell you what's wrong?" Olivia asked, eyes finding Fitz's. His glistened against the twinkling lights of their still angel-less Christmas tree. He was trying not to cry. "Fitz?"

"I want to come home, Olivia." His voice was firm, self-assured, and level. So was his gaze.

"Fitz, I…" She looked away. "I'm…"

"Tommy is hurting. _I'm_ hurting. And Livvie…Livvie, I _know_ you're hurting too. I know I let you down. I know I wasn't there, and I am sorry. I thought – I thought the harder I worked at the hospital and the more ladders I climbed the better it would be for us eventually. I didn't see that you were cutting off parts of yourself to accommodate my climbs while missing out on yours. I get it, baby. And I get that you think that this Ben…that he, he _sees_ you, but he doesn't. Not like me."

His words caused tears to swell in her eyes. She broke his gaze, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked down at the hardwood floors. "Fitz, please don't do this…"

"No, Olivia. No. I _am_ doing this. I haven't been fighting for us. For you. But I'm telling you that I am here. Baby, I hear you. Please. Don't give up on us." He walked towards the couch and Olivia climbed to her feet. She unfolded her arms, holding her hands out to keep him at a distance.

"Olivia."

She couldn't keep the tears in any longer. They rolled down her cheeks, pooling at her chin until they couldn't fight gravity anymore. "I can't think when you're this close. I can't breathe. I can't…I can't."

"Can't what, Livvie? You can't give up on us. You can't make this separation real. You can't."

"Fitz."

"Why are you giving up on us? Why don't you want me and you?"

His questions hit her head on. She was the deer and he was the headlights splitting open the night. Her mouth couldn't form an answer because she didn't have one. She didn't want Ben. She didn't want an empty house and a cold bed.

"I've always wanted you, Fitz. Always." She sobbed. Her hands dropped to her side in defeat and before she knew what was happening, she was being pressed into the plush softness of the couch, sandwiched in between the hardness of Fitz's body and the cushions.

He showered her in sweet kisses from her cheeks to her chin to her forehead before pulling away and balancing his weight on his elbows. His left index finger trailed down the slope of her nose. Olivia smiled. She brought her right hand up to his face, index finger tilting his chin down and then palm settling against his cheek. The Christmas lights danced along his skin. For a long moment her fingers laid limply against his cheek. She then curled them inward, nails scrapping against the five o'clock shadow budding at his chin. Her hand wilted and her fingertips skimmed over his jaw. She could see the tiredness etched into the dark circles beneath his eyes and she frowned, knowing their separation was to blame.

She craned her neck upward and her lips found his chin and then lips. Purpose and apology lingered in her kiss. She pulled back. Their eyes met. Fitz breathed in. A loose tear slipped down his chin and Olivia reached up to wipe it away. Her thumb moved along his jaw and his eyes closed.

"Look at me, Fitz," she insisted. "Please."

He did.

Her hands found the hem of his sweater and she tugged it upward. She dragged it over his head dropped it onto the floor without a second thought. Her need for him was immense. Overpowering. A thirst that demanded to be satisfied and _now._ Desire laced each of her movements. She knew it was dangerous for them to fall back into bed seconds after admitting that she only wanted him, but she needed this reassurance. She needed to forget where her body ended and his began.

He tried to squirm away from her. His head dipped low and his fingers wrapped around the band of her yoga pants, but she wiggled away from him. She simultaneously pushed and pulled at his shoulders.

"No. Not tonight, baby. I need _you_," she whispered, watching as he got the hint and crawled back up her body.

His fingers slipped beneath the weathered shirt. He tugged it off, revealing her bare chest. He dipped his head low, breathe hot against her hardened nipples. He took the right between his teeth, soliciting a low moan from Olivia. Her hands found the back of his head and she tugged on the curls, tangling her fingers in his hair. He sucked and teased, tugged and soothed her nipples, taking turns switching between the buds.

Olivia loved foreplay. She loved the way he took his time bending her body to his will, but tonight was different. Tugging at his hair, she pulled him away from her chest. His lips were wet, his mouth puckered and his hair sprouting up in different directions. He almost looked mad.

"Please, Fitz, I need you _inside_ of me. I need you. Make me whole, baby. Make me whole." She undid the button on his slacks, pushing them down his thighs.

"Lift your hips," Fitz ordered.

Olivia nodded, listening. Seconds later her yoga pants joined his slacks, her shirt, and his sweater. She guided him into her entrance. Fitz pushed inside, groaned, and dropped his head into the nook of her neck. Her back bucked, her breasts smashed into his chest and she felt tears bud behind her eyes again.

Fitz lifted his head, kissed her hard, and began to move. Olivia wrapped her arms him, locked her feet at the base of his back, and whispered in his ear.

"Don't stop. Don't ever stop. Please, please, please. Make me whole. Fill me, Fitz. Fill me."

He obeyed. Their rhythm started slow, but swiftly increased as she stretched around him. He kissed her mouth, face, neck, and chest. Olivia arched under him, teeth grazing against her ear before tearing away and finding his mouth once more. She felt full – whole. Their teeth bang together, lips hitting and missing against the pace he'd set before. And then suddenly, he slowed.

"Give me your hands," he whispered against her chin.

It took her a moment to hear him, but she obeyed. He locked her fingers in his, holding them above her head. Olivia's eyes slipped closed at the new sensations their slight shift in position brought. The sensation only grew as he ground his pelvis into hers. His mouth found hers again. His strokes grew deliberate, measured. Exactly what she liked and in seconds she shattered. Her orgasm triggered his and with a guttural cry, mouth breaking away from hers, he filled her. An inexplicable warmth filled Olivia and his dick pulsed inside of her.

"Mine, mine, mine," he chanted against her neck as he rode out his wave, hips moving until they slowed on their own.

Olivia shuddered, feeling as he trembled. "Yours. Only yours," she assured him.

His head found her chest and he collapsed in exhaustion. Olivia's legs slackened from around his waist and fell, one to the couch cushions and one to the nook behind his knee. Her hands stroked up and down his back, over his head and down his shoulder blades. She kissed his sweaty forehead and drew in a breath and then let her head drop to the side as they both fell fast asleep.

/

The next morning Fitz woke alone, covered with a throw. His heart sank as he looked at his watch. 5:23 A.M. Olivia was nowhere in sight. Her clothes had been picked up and his were folded, resting on the coffee table. He frowned. How stupid was he to expect things to be different after last night? She'd made it clear; she was done with him. The only thing he could do now was make the walk of shame before his son woke.

Sighing, he reached for his clothes.

"I brought you a pair of your pajamas."

Her voice caught him off guard and he whipped around to find her in a silk nightgown. Her hair was curly and wet. In hand she held a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt. He stared at her, unable to hide the surprise in his expression. She handed him the pajamas and walked over to the Christmas tree. She picked up the angel; their son had thrown hours ago.

Fitz simply held the pajamas, eyes following her. Confusion colored his face. "I can just make the walk of shame back to my car in my clothes from last night," he offered.

Olivia turned on her toes, angel in hand. "I don't want you to go."

He craned his neck, uncertain that he'd heard her right. Promises made in the heat of passion had a history of being empty words with Olivia.

"I want you to come home, Fitz." She crossed the room and took the seat next to him on the couch. "I'm sorry I ever made you leave."

For the thousandth time in the span of two days, his eyes filled with tears. He bit them back and looked at the Christmas tree. He hadn't a drop to drink but the night still came back to him in glimpses. He glanced at the ornaments he'd hung with their son hours ago and then over to his wife. His eyes fell to the couch and then traveled up Olivia's body, finally settling on her face.

"You want me to come home?"

"I do."

He couldn't contain his excitement and he pulled her into his lap, abandoning his pajamas. His arms wrapped around her tiny frame, holding her tight. And for the first time in a long time, he heard her laugh. She giggled before contorting in his hold and kissing him. He returned her kiss eagerly, frowning when she broke away.

"I want us to go therapy, though. We have to go, Fitz. Promise me."

He nodded. "Done," he said, another thought coming to mind. "I don't want you working with Ben anymore."

Olivia looked away. "Fitz, he and I never…I didn't sleep with him. He kissed me and that was it. That's why I told you. I was afraid that…"

"I don't trust him, Livvie. I don't trust him and—"

She sighed and then nodded. "That's fair. I'll look for another firm."

"Or you can start your own."

Olivia smiled. "I don't want to talk shop. I want to talk to us. I want to be us again, but that means you're going to have to tell the hospital that you can't shoulder the full administrative role. I don't want to be here again in another six months because we couldn't get it together and started missing each other again."

His tongue darted out to wet his lips. "You have to talk to me before it's all or nothing, Liv."

"And you have to listen when I just don't know what to say. Promise me."

"I promise," Fitz said. "I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, too, Fitz. I love you so much."

They sat still for a long moment. Only the sound of their breathing filled the air. Finally, something felt right. Olivia was the first to speak.

"You need to get dressed before Tommy wakes. We're lucky we didn't wake him earlier. That's a therapy bill neither of us need."

He chuckled. "When he wakes, will you put the angel on the tree with me?"

"With Tommy's help."

"Can we tell him that I'm coming home?"

"DAD'S COMING HOME?" The pitter patter of little feet across wood sound. Fitz turned his head to find Tommy at the top of the stairs. Fitz's cheeks tinted pink. Underneath the throw he was naked.

He watched as Tommy took the stairs in two.

"Hey, bud. What are you doing up so soon?" Olivia asked as she slid out of Fitz's lap and sat next to him on the couch.

"I heard you talking to dad. Is dad coming home?" Tommy asked.

"Dad's coming home."

A large smiled stretched across Tommy's face and within seconds, he lunged his little body into the space between his parents. Fitz held tight to the throw, careful not to expose his nakedness. Over the top of Tommy's head, Fitz's gaze met Olivia's. He nodded toward his lap and she laughed.

_Maybe,_ Fitz thought. _Just maybe, this would be a good Christmas after all._


	2. Auld Lange Syne

A/N: Decided to follow this up with a NYE sequel (which is why I changed the name). Hope you enjoy!

Content warning: Mentions of miscarriage and infertility below with an allusion to abortion.

* * *

Part II: Auld Lange Syne

They'd been back together now for almost a full month. Fitz had kept his word and cut back on his hours at the hospital. Olivia put in her two weeks and began scouting firms. Her goal was to start the New Year off with a job offer, but the still wrapped pregnancy test hidden in her clutch suggested different. The night they'd spent together before their reconciliation came back to her in spurts. In between bouts of red wine and sheer nostalgia, they'd made love. Without inhibitions and without protection. Then, Olivia hadn't thought much about it. Her chances of getting pregnant not only diminished the closer she got grew to forty, but with her PCOS, she thought it nearly impossible. To get pregnant with Tommy, she'd had to endure bouts of Clomid, a fertility treatment. Her periods had been irregular since she began her cycle in young adulthood, making it almost impossible to get pregnant naturally. She wasn't certain how to feel if she was, indeed, pregnant. Part of her was elated at the thought; the other part, terrified. She and Fitz had only found their way together weeks ago. And things were still tentative – rocky – at best. They'd just found a therapist they both could agree on, too.

"Champagne?"

She turned at the sound of Fitz's voice, realizing that she'd been staring at the champagne flutes. For how long, she didn't know. "Oh, uhm, okay." She gave him a tight smile.

He smiled back, picked up two glasses and handed her one. They were both dressed in their black and white best. It was New Year's Eve and they were at The JFK Center for Performing Arts for their Gatsby Ball. Olivia wore a floor length, backless, color block wave, black and white halter dress. She kept her jewelry to a minimum, pairing the dress with pearl earrings, a sleek, high, long ponytail, and a simple pearl bracelet. A classic nude lip and smoky eye completed the look. Fitz looked debonair in his classic tuxedo with coattails. He'd surprised Olivia with the tickets just three nights prior, having Tommy bring them into their bedroom on his penguin pillow pet. Tommy was with his grandfather, his mother's father, and his new wife tonight.

Olivia held onto the glass, watching as Fitz brought his glass to his lips. The soft sounds of Motown filled the foyer. Her eyes drifted up, to the ornate crystal chandeliers.

"You okay, Livvie?"

"Huh?"

"I asked if you were okay. You seem distracted."

She thought of the pregnancy test tucked into her clutch tucked. She hadn't intended on bringing it with her but had shoved it into her bag at the last second, after Tommy found it under the bathroom sink.

"Oh, I just think I've had one too many glasses of champagne."

Fitz's brows furrowed. "No. I think this is your first unless you snuck one while you were checking your coat."

"Oh, must've been the wine I had at home." She moved away from the beverage table, smiling at the waiter that held out a plate of hors d'oeuvres. She held out her hand, shaking her head no. Her eyes scanned the hall and stared out at the sea of black and white attire.

"Olivia?"

A terse smile tugged across her face. "I'm okay, baby. I promise."

He didn't seem to believe her, a pure look of skepticism falling across his face, but left it alone. "Want to dance?" He nodded in the opposite direction, to the end hall where couples glided to the music and held his right hand out for her to take.

Olivia took his hand. "I'd like that."

"You're the most beautiful woman in this world, you know that?" Fitz asked. They found an empty space on the floor. Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and Fitz pulled her close, hands on her hips.

"You don't have to butter me up, Fitz. When the clock strikes 12, I already plan on kissing you."

"And at 12:22, I plan on this dress being on the floor."

She rolled her eyes. "It'll take us at least thirty minutes to get home."

"We're not going home," he said, dipping her slightly. A Cheshire grin spread across his face.

"_Oh?_"

"We're staying at the Watergate, presidential suite. We're going to cause a scandal." He wiggled his brows.

Olivia giggled, letting her head fall against his chest. "And what about our son?"

"Your dad and step-mom already know we won't be home. They're keeping him until we get home tomorrow."

Her heart fluttered in her chest and her eyes glazed over. "You thought of everything, didn't you?" She pulled back to look up at him.

Fitz leaned in, lips brushing against the outer shell of her ear. "I want to make love to you on every surface possible without worrying about waking our son. It's been far too long since you've cum on my tongue."

Heart budding beneath her skin. Flushed, she shushed him. "We're in public, behave!" she playfully chided. "Plus, it's only been a few days."

"A few days too long." He grabbed her hands from around his neck and spun her away from him and then back in.

The twirl shook her up slightly, dizzying her. She held out her arms for him to stop her. Sliding back into his arms, a smell hit her nose. It was overtly flowery and overpowering. Paired with the dizziness, she felt herself grow queasy. Someone's perfume was too strong. She placed a hand over her mouth, brows furrowed as she waited for her stomach to settle, but it didn't.

"Liv?"

She wriggled free from his grasp and backtracked in a flurry of white and black, heading on the path to the bathroom.

/

Fitz watched in concern as Olivia skated out of his arms and took off for the bathroom. She'd been acting strange since earlier that morning. From a seemingly impulsive trip to the store, to locking herself in their downstairs bathroom, to her trip to the bathroom; something was wrong.

He weaved through the crowd, following the path blazed by Olivia seconds ago. He followed the escalator down to the bathrooms and waited at the women's bathroom door. He almost went in, but stopped short when an older woman walked out, giving him a scowl. Minutes passed and Fitz waited. Concern began to creep up his spine and he put his hand on the lady's door, preparing himself for the dirty looks he was about to receive, but the door swung open. In front of him stood his wife. She looked a little flushed, but okay, nonetheless.

"You alright, Liv?"

She smiled. "I'm fine. I just think the spin and the lights got to me. Maybe it was the—"

"Wine from earlier," he finished for her. He couldn't remember her drinking any wine earlier that day. He was starting to feel like she was keeping something from him. "You sure?"

Olivia nodded. "I'm okay, honey. I promise. I just think the excitement is setting in. We should get back to the party. I was enjoying myself."

It was Fitz's turn to nod and together they made their way back to the hallway. He ushered Olivia towards a set of tables where dinner had been served. "Let me grab you some water."

"Fitz, you don't have to, baby. I'm—"

"For me, Livvie. For my peace of mind, just drink it for me."

He watched as she relented and he turned on his toes, heading once again for the drink table.

/

She needed to take that test. It was the only conclusion she could come to as she watched Fitz dodge laughing couples and eager waiters. Her body was starting to feel the way it had when she was pregnant with Tommy. Bright lights, flowery smells, and even the mention of alcohol sent her into a tizzy. She was scared and debating; did she tell Fitz before she took the test, or did she tell him after? Did she even have to tell him at all?

Yes, of course she did. If she was with child, it was half his and together they'd talk through it. Together they'd decided what they were going to do and how they were going to handle it.

"Olivia?"

She turned at the sound of her name to find Ben, dressed in his best, standing in front of her. Her eyes widened, unable to hide the shock at his sudden appearance. She'd been avoiding him for the last month – ignoring his calls and all but running away from him at work. She knew she needed to tell him that she'd reconciled with her husband and anything that he thought budded between them was no more. She'd been so focused on dodging him that she'd forgotten to _talk_ to him.

"Ben, hey. Wow. I didn't expect to run into you tonight."

"I didn't expect to see you either. If I didn't know better, I'd think you've been avoiding me. Alicia said you put your two weeks in?" he asked. "You look as beautiful as ever, too, by the way."

Olivia gave him an uneasy smile, eyes roaming around him to find Fitz. Thankfully his back was towards them as he stood in line at the drink table. "I did. I've loved my time at Shaw and Simpson, but it's time for me to move on. Here alone?"

"I've been dragged by my sister to accompany her friend. Does this decision have something to do with me?" he asked.

Unable to lie to the man in front of her, Olivia nodded her confirmation. "Yeah, it does Ben. Look, I hate to do this right now, especially tonight, but I think I owe you the truth. Fitz and I, we've reconciled."

Ben's lips pursed. His eyes fell to the ground and he nodded. "I figured as much, Liv."

"You did?"

"I did. You never left him. Even during the few times, we went out and kissed, I could see it in your eyes that you were still with him. I might've had your attention, but he clearly had your heart."

Olivia frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…please don't think I led you on. I – I wasn't trying to."

"It's okay, Liv. Something told me the night you didn't ask me inside that I wasn't your choice."

She felt like shit, chest tightening beneath his words. "You're a good man, Ben." She climbed to her heels and held out her right hand. "Friends?"

He seized her hand, holding it between both of his and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her hand and then leant in; his lips from her right cheek. His lips lingered for a brief moment and then he pulled back. Their eyes meet briefly before something in her periphery caught her eye. Storming towards them at full speed was Fitz.

/

He saw red. The water glass in hand crushed beneath his anger as he stormed towards his wife and _Ben._ This dude had a lot of fucking nerve. Propelled solely by jealousy and anger, Fitz made his way through the crowd. Before he knew what, he was doing his left hand was wrapped around Ben's right bicep. He half shoved; half pulled the other man away from his wife. Ben stumbled, bumping into a nearby table, but caught his balance at the last second.

"Stay away from my wife," he howled.

"I was just saying goodbye," Ben said. He held up his hands.

"And you had to say it with your mouth?"

"Fitz, stop!" Olivia yelled. He could feel her tugging on his sleeve, trying to work her way in between them. "He kissed me on my cheek."

"His lips shouldn't have been on you at all!" Fitz growled. He reached for her left hand and spun her around so that her back was to his chest. "Do you see this?" he held up Olivia's hand. "This means we're married. We're married! We have a son – we have a family – and if you weren't such a piece of shit, you'd respect that!" Pure anger pushed him forward.

"And if you respected her, she wouldn't have had to come to me. She wouldn't have cried about how neglected and worthless you made her feel!"

"Ben!"

"You son of a bitch!" He tried to move around Olivia but was stopped by the appearance of two oversized security guards. Both looked on the younger side; both looked trained. Fitz halted.

Olivia shifted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her face into his chest. "Take me home, Fitz."

"I'm sorry, sir, ma'am, but we're going to have to ask you to leave," the older, dark haired security guard said.

Fitz frowned, feeling a moistness radiated from where Olivia's face was pressed to his chest. The anger in him deflated and he wrapped his arms around Olivia. "Okay, okay."

/

The elevator ride up to their suite was quiet. Olivia held onto Fitz's right arm and clutched her purse in the left. The last half hour had been one hellish blur. One minute she was enjoying herself, the next she was in the middle of an almost fight.

Once they reached the floor for the presidential suite, Olivia followed behind Fitz wordlessly. She could feel the tension radiating off of him. He was mad – downright pissed off. They entered the suite and Olivia shrugged out of her coat. She set it on the nearest chair and then slipped off her shoes, leaving her dress to drag along the floor. Fitz walked away, shrugging off his jacket, too, and headed for the bathroom.

Loaded silence settled between them. One of them had to be the bigger person. One of them would need to speak. She listened as he turned on the water, deciding it needed to be her. He was the one who made the first step all those weeks ago, now it was her turn to meet him halfway.

"Fitz, do you want to talk about what just happened?" Olivia asked. The carpet was soft, plush against her feet.

A beat passed and then another, but Fitz had yet to say anything.

"Fitz?" she called out, walking to the bathroom.

He stood in the mirror, nursing the cut on his hand with a hand towel. "You let him kiss you. Again. What's the point of asking me to come home if you're still going to see your boyfriend? What, am I not good enough for you?"

"Fitz!" She knew it was his jealousy talking, but it still stung.

"Why just have your husband when you can fuck your boyfriend, too!" he rounded on her.

"Stop! Stop right now!" She yelled at him, shoving him.

"You told him I was neglecting you? You told him I don't respect you?"

Tears welled behind her eyes. "Does it matter any more? I want _you_. I love_ you!" _

"Do you, though? The first chance you get will run back to him? Are you sure you two never fucked? Huh? Was he everything you ever dreamed of?" He was being cruel and crass.

She didn't know she'd hit him until the sting of reverberated down her forearm, to her elbow. She narrowed her eyes. "If I'd fucked him, I wouldn't be eager to take the pregnancy test in my purse, I'd be going to a clinic!" The words were out before she could even think them through.

Fitz's gaze softened; the tension left his face. "What did you just say?"

She huffed, hot air billowing from her lips. This wasn't how she wanted to tell him. "I might be…I might be pregnant."

"How?" He lifted a blonde brow. "Isn't it too early to tell?"

"The night you came over to fix the pilot light. We had sex at least four times that night."

"I thought you were on birth control?"

Olivia drew her bottom lip into her mouth and frowned. "I had to take it out almost four months ago, Fitz. You don't remember? It's only a three-year IUD, plus on top of that my blood pressure kept rising. You were supposed to go with me, but had to work, so Abby took me. I spent all day curled in a ball from the cramps?"

He opened his mouth and then closed it.

"We hadn't been having sex anyways so when Dr. Atkins suggested I switch to a pill, I guess it just slipped my mind until…until last week. My periods are already irregular, but when I counted it down, I haven't had one in almost two months, so I bought a test and…" Her words trailed off.

The fight in Fitz seemed to deflate. "You said you have the test in your purse?"

She nodded.

"Why don't you go get it and take it now?"

His change in tone didn't go unnoticed; quite honestly, it'd irked Olivia's nerves. "Not until you apologize to me."

"Livvie…"

"No. Don't Livvie me. You just called me a liar and accused me of sleeping with Ben. I didn't. I haven't. The only reason you know about Ben is because I was worried that I would!"

"Liv…"

"No! Why did you hurt me like that? Why did you say that?"

"Because! He – you talked to him when you should've been talking to me!"

"I'm talking to you right now and you're taking shots at me!"

"I'm not! I…I don't mean to! It hurt, okay! It hurt seeing you stand there with him because all I could think about was how you almost walked away from me for him! He's –"

His eyes were red, raw. The pain in his face was evident. This thing with Ben had triggered his insecurities. Olivia had never known her husband to be insecure and yet here he was in front of her, trying to hold his chest together. Despite this, though, it didn't change the fact that she still wanted an apology from him.

She paused, considering her next words carefully; took a step forward and closed the distance between them, ultimately choosing not to speak. At least not yet. She reached for the hand that clutched the formerly white, now a murky pink and red, towel. Her eyes roamed the cut as she took the towel and set it on the granite countertop. Thankfully, there was no glass embedded in his hand. She turned on the cold water and stuck his hand under the spray. He winced and she frowned.

"It's mostly a flesh wound; not deep enough to hurt," Fitz answered.

"You know what they say about doctor's who are their own patients," she retorted, going for a clean towel. "I'm going to go call the front desk to ask where the first aid kit is."

/

He watched as she walked away and listened as she spoke into the phone. Between the stinging and her news, his head felt full – stuffed. His eyes glanced at the watch on his wrist, seeing that it was 11:18 PM. Forty-three minutes until the bells rang for the New Year. Suddenly he felt like an ass. He'd overreacted – kinda – though a part of him still felt justified. Ben was lucky Fitz hadn't decided to put his hand through the other man's face.

A hot puff of air rumbled from his lips. He looked out, into the suite. The plush carpets, minimalistic furnishings and floor to ceiling windows stared back at him. He'd chosen this room for the view. He'd planned on having her pressed against the glass, sliding into her at an angle so deep as the fireworks settled around them that she wouldn't know where she began, and he ended. And now…now he'd be lucky if she even kissed him in forty-three – now forty – minutes.

What if she was pregnant? His mind roamed back to her news. Now her behavior throughout the day began to make sense. She hadn't touched the champagne or any wine because inside of her their child might be growing. They'd never talked in depth about kids past Tommy. His birth had been such hell on Olivia that Fitz feared her having to do it all over again. If they'd made a baby the natural way, though. . ..

He wondered if they'd have a daughter. Don't get him wrong, his son was his boy – his buddy – but just the thought of a little girl the spitting image of Olivia walking around made his heart flutter. A Carolyn. Lynn for short. They had a son with his middle name, it was only right that they had a daughter with Olivia's. He couldn't let himself think ahead, though. Not when Olivia had a history of miscarriages and PCOS. He was a doctor – a cardiothoracic surgeon – but he still knew the odds, nonetheless.

With his metaphorical tall tucked between his legs, Fitz emerged from the bathroom to find Olivia, hair in loose waves that framed her perfect face, digging through a first aid kit. She was still mad; he could tell by the way her jaw was set. But he didn't know if he could apologize. He understood that his words hurt her, but seeing her with Ben had hurt, too.

"I have gauze, liquid band aid, and regular band aids, which do you need?"

He pulled the towel away from hand to see that it'd almost stopped bleeding. "Just a large bandage. I'll be okay."

"Great. After all, what good is a heart surgeon with fucked up hands?" She huffed, climbing to her feet and crossing over to where he stood. She undid the bandage and wrapped it around his hand.

His eyes couldn't help but roam as she stood in such close proximity. He studied her body for signs that she was indeed carrying their child. With Tommy, her face became fuller, her lips – if possible – plumper. Watching her body swell with his child induced a dizzying feeling within him the entire time she was pregnant with Tommy.

"Livvie, will you take the test?"

"Will you apologize to me?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes. "I'm not sorry for my reaction. I don't like that man. I don't like him being so close to you and I don't—"

"We were saying good-bye, Fitz. He kissed me _on the cheek._"

"And that was still too close for me. He—"

"Knows that I'm with you. You're my husband. You're the father of my child – or children. You're…" She walked away from him; arms crossed.

Again, he paid attention to how her body sat. Her hips seemed wider, though it was always possible that it was an illusion caused by her dress.

"And you're doubting my commitment to you. I don't like that," she finished, staring out at the Potomac.

He opened his mouth, ready to defend himself with their separation, but closed his mouth instead. She'd told him about Ben. She hadn't made it a secret and while he was grateful, it still hurt.

"Do you really think I slept with him?" she asked.

The question caught him off guard.

"Do you think I'm lying to you?"

Fitz flexed his fingers, stretching the bandage and considered her words. "No. I don't."

"Then why'd you throw it in my face?"

He sighed, eyes meeting hers as she turned around. "Because I was _hurt_."

"I'm sorry I hurt you. You hurt me, too, Fitz."

_Acknowledging the hurt you've caused is the first step to healing_, he could hear their therapist say, _once you do that, you can't find a better way through. _

"I'm sorry I lashed out at you in anger," he said.

"Do you doubt my commitment to you? Do you doubt that you're this child's father if I am pregnant?"

His answer was assured, fierce. "No."

That seemed to be the magical answer because a small smile pulled across Olivia's face. She walked to where she'd abandoned her jacket and clutch. She seized the clutch and opened it, producing a pregnancy test. His heart fluttered and he nodded.

/

This was the longest five minutes of her life. She sat on the closed toilet while Fitz leaned against the double sinks, shirt untucked, sleeves rolled up, and top buttons undone. They were good. For now. They'd both admitted their wrongs and worked through it together. Come Wednesday, they'd have to rehash this with their therapist, but for now, they were good.

"Whatever this test says, Livvie, please know that I want you to put your health first."

His words caught her off guard. They broke her idle gaze and she dragged her eyes up to meet his. "What?"

"You're thirty-seven, Liv and you have PCOS. This turns a high-risk pregnancy into an even riskier pregnancy. I – I would love for you to have another child, but not if it's going to be a detriment to your health."

Her stomach dropped. The veracity of his words struck her. She'd gone through hell while pregnant with Tommy. The hospital stays, the constant monitoring of her weight, and endless stress nearly knocked her on her ass. She'd been both miserable and happy the entire nine months.

"We have our son and it's important that he has his mother." His voice was thick, pained. Almost as if the words had bunched up against his front teeth and forced themselves out.

Olivia nodded. "If I am pregnant, we'll take every precaution. We'll work with my doctors and…and we'll figure it out, Fitz."

He smiled and then looked down at his watch.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"11:58."

"We're in the two-minute mark to the New Year," she said. "Let's go catch the fireworks over the Potomac."

"But the test—"

"We'll look at it after."

She walked to the windows that pointed out over the Potomac, towards Alexandria. Fitz followed, wrapping his arms around her. She settled against his back and he rested his chin atop her head. He tightened his grip and she sighed in content. Then the sky exploded, filling with lights and color. Olivia shifted in his arms, stretching on her bare tiptoes to reach his mouth, arms sliding around his neck. She poured everything inside of her heart into her kiss, using her tongue to part his lips, eager to find his.

His hands moved down her bare back, his fingers slid over the thin straps that were merely ornamental. They continued downward, over the slope of her ass, and pulled her flush against him.

She broke away from his mouth. "Fitz…"

"I got us this room so we could make love against this window, while the fireworks blared."

Olivia's eyes widened. Despite their many liaisons over the years, they'd never had sex against floor to ceiling windows in full view anyone who dared to look their way. He brought out the exhibitionist in her. Wordlessly, her hands dropped from his neck and moved down to his waist. She unbuckled his belt, undid his buttons, and slid down his zipper. She reached her tiny hand into his boxer and was immediately greeted by his hardness. Wrapping her hand around his dick, she took him out of his boxers and began to stroke him.

His breath hitched, his eyes glassed over and his grip on her ass tightened. She sunk her teeth into her bottom lip, let her eyes flicker over his face, and then wiggled out of his hold, dropping to her knees. She loved to blow him. It was her favorite pastime and something he didn't always let her do. But tonight, he didn't seem to put up any fight as she took him into her right hand and stroked him, gathering the pre-cum that budded and sliding it down his length before her tongue followed. She slid her tongue down the length of his shaft, staring up at him. He pressed his palms to the glass behind her, his head falling forward as he moaned. His moans might've been her favorite sound ever.

She sucked and licked, teased and hummed as she took him into her mouth over and over again. He throbbed in her mouth and cursed above her head. Olivia smiled, left hand finding his right hip as she pulled him closer. He mumbled incoherently and she could tell he was close when his right hand tangled in her hair. Not enough to hurt her, but enough to guide her head where he needed it to go. She increased her pressure, sucked hard and deep, sliding her mouth up and down until, with a guttural cry, he exploded. Cum slipped down her throat, around his dick, and out of her lips. He tasted like a small piece of heaven and his hand loosened in her hair. With a moist pop, she let him go, and stood up, using her fingers to get the cum on her chin.

"Shit, Livvie…shit," he murmured, chest heaving as he opened his eyes.

She reached up and kissed him again, eyes darting around him as a few more fireworks cracked the sky.

"Come here." He reached for her, but she wiggled out of his hold and headed for the bathroom.

Her eyes met her reflection in the mirror, and she laughed, looking at the front of her dress to see she'd gotten his cum on it. Her hair was wild; and she turned on the sink, bending down to gather some to rinse her chin and mouth of what she hadn't swallowed.

Seconds later, she could feel his hands on her hips, tugging her tight against him. "Why'd you run in here? You can't blow me like that and then take off." His already erect dick pressed against her ass.

"You've turned me into Monica Lewinsky," she joked, ushering to the top of her dress as his hands trailed down to the dress clad juncture between her legs. "Fitz…we…need… to… look…fuck," she moaned as he worked on her clit through the material of her dress. Listening to him moan had already lit a fire underneath her and she was truly ready to be fucked, hard and long against the bathroom counter. But the test…they needed to look at the test before it was faulty. "The test, Fitz…" she managed to say, her hand holding his still against her clit.

His eyes met hers in the mirror and his fingers flexed under hers, pulling away. Together, they both looked towards the test that rested on the counter next to the first sink, maybe a foot or two away from them.

"Don't. Move." He instructed and she nodded. He reached over, grabbed the test and brought it up for them both to see.

It was positive.

_She was pregnant._

"I'm pregnant!"

Tears pricked the corner of Olivia's eyes. Her heart leapt in her chest. Despite Fitz's order to not move, she did. She shifted in his arms, reaching up to find his lips. The kiss was chaste, wet from her tears.

"I'll make an appointment with my gynecologist Thursday," she cried happily. She could see tears gloss over his eyes, too. "And from there, we'll weigh our options," she hummed.

Fitz nodded and in one short move, swept her into his arms. They made their way to the queen-sized bed. He set her down, peeling off his dress shirt. Olivia sat up, slipped her halter over her head and shimmed out of the long dress. She kicked it to the floor, resting on her knees in front of Fitz in only a lace thong and brown pasties; it didn't take long before those were gone, too. In seconds, Fitz's face was between her thighs, teeth grazing over her clit, tongue slipping between her folds. Her back bucked and she cried out, the haze of the day getting to her. She felt dizzy, but a good dizzy. The dizzy that reminded her of the carelessness of childhood. When it didn't matter which way was up and which was down.

He brought her to the edge of an orgasm but stopped short. She frowned as he slithered up her body, stopping at her stomach. He pressed a chaste kiss to her stomach before continuing his way up until he was drawing her tongue into a slow, languorous kiss.

Olivia pulled away, pushing at his chest. He got the hint and pulled back just enough for her to scurry out of his touch. She crossed the room, naked as the day she was born, and made her way over to the windows, leaning her bare ass against the cool glass.

"You had a fantasy, _daddy. _Who am I to deny you?" she cooed, heart beating like wildfire spreading across a barren plain.

She watched as a wolfish grin spread across his face and in seconds, he was on her, wrapping her legs around his waist and sliding into her. She held onto his shoulders, grasping desperately to his already slick skin as he pounded into her relentlessly. She sighed and moaned, heels digging into the backs of his thighs as he used his left hand pressed to the glass to steady himself. He stretched her, pressed inside of her, and touched every spot she needed until with a loud, guttural moan, muffled only by his shoulders as she looked to hold onto _something_. Seconds later, he was right behind her, ass tightening as he came, filling her with a welcomed warmth. Sweaty and spent, she rested her forehead against his until she felt his knees grow weak. They slid to the plush carpet, limbs still entangled, and him still inside of her. He laid her on her back, hovering over her.

Olivia smiled as their eyes met. She reached up to traced the lines around his eyes and laughed. "Do you have a daddy kink I don't know about? That really set you off."

It was Fitz's turn to laugh as he caught her hand in his, bringing it to his lips. "Do you have a voyeur kink _I _don't know about? First the blowjob and then the fuck. If you weren't already married to me and pregnant with my kid, I'd be putting a ring on it tomorrow."

They shared a small, yet tired laugh between them.

"I love you, Fitz. Happy New Year."

"I love you, too, baby. Happy New Year."


	3. A Question

**Author's Note & question:**

I usually am not one to upload a file that is just a question. I kinda consider it padding your review count, to be quite honest. But here I am. This holiday story seems to have struck a cord with some of you. Many of you hit me up asking for another chapter or what happens next. I really like this version of Olitz and am considering writing more of it. However, I want to be upfront with everyone, I don't know if it'd be a linear path - meaning this event leads to the next event etc. It would really just be one-shots based in the AU world I created here. I wouldn't be able to guarantee regular updates (I'm in the final stage of my Masters Program & am working on an original manuscript) and have other stories I'm working towards completing (Metanoia specifically right now).

Just drop me a line here, in my pm's, or even in the Facebook Scandal FF group (yes I'm in it & yes I read what y'all say).

Long as I have readers, I'm willing to keep this couple alive!

Thanks & Happy NYs.

-M


	4. Earn Me, Pt 1

**A/N:** This idea actually came from a friend - JustaFan - who expressed interest in wanting to see Olivia earn Fitz (If you want me, EARN ME). So this is my attempt at that. I chose this AU version of Olitz because it seemed the most fitting for this storyline.

I'm on spring break and in social distancing, so hey I've got some time right now. Who knows what i'll get to upload next. Hope everyone is staying healthy and well.

Enjoy...kinda?

* * *

**Earn Me, Pt 1. **

Olivia didn't consider herself a selfish lover. Showering Fitz with affection was a favorite pastime of hers. He didn't let her often; instead choosing to overwhelm her with the most salacious of touches, but right now, she couldn't help herself. The baby budding in her belly was doing something to her body and brain. It rewired her core, causing Olivia to go fully primal and unleash her most carnal desires.

Her knuckles turned purple from gripping the headboard so hard. Her own moans drowning out the sound of Fitz's beneath her. Every now and then she'd growl out a demand of "tighter" while grounding her pelvis into his. She wanted – no needed – him to grip her ass tighter, force himself in deeper, create more friction for her to work against. None of his usual gentle touches or languid kisses sufficed. She didn't want softness, she wanted rough.

"I don't want to hurt you, Oli—"

"You won't. Me or the baby, just do—" Suddenly she was on her back, her legs over Fitz's shoulders. He slammed into her without warning. His pace was punishing, relentless. Her voice kicked up an octave. A low, raspy moan pulled from throat. _Finally_. "Harder."

Fitz obliged. The bed creaked beneath their combined weight. Olivia threw her head back, the familiar tightness budding in her belly. She was dizzy. Overwhelmed even as she felt one of Fitz's hands close around her left breast, pinching the nipple to a bud. Suddenly bursts of color exploded behind her eyelids. She yelped and tossed her head back as her legs began to shake. Her hips moved of their own accord and then warmth flooded her lower belly and pelvis. She was boneless. Fitz's sweaty body collapsed on top of hers, but only briefly. Seconds later his weight was gone.

Mustering what strength, she could Olivia opened her eyes to find Fitz next to her. His chest rose and fell. His eyes were closed, and his hair jutted out in several different directions. Olivia worked to regain her breath, closing her legs as the stickiness seeped into her skin. God, she needed that.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Fitz asked. His hand came to rest on the four month and some change swell of her belly.

"Oh baby, no. Not even a little bit. We feel much better." Her hand found his. "Daddy…"

A goofy grin slipped across his face. "Don't call me daddy. You know It does things to me and I have to get back to work."

Ever since finding out that he had a daddy kink on New Year's Eve, she lived to set him off by muttering just that one word. She sighed at his mention of work. Since finding out she was pregnant and leaving her firm, she'd been going crazy. She felt cooped up – caged. If she was wasn't running errands or running after Tommy, she was left to flip through daytime TV.

"The lunch time quickie was worth the midday drive, though. Wasn't it?" Olivia teased. She sat up to see the disaster they'd made of their bed. Well, at least she had laundry to do now, right?

"It was," Fitz agreed. He sat up, too. "I'm going to grab a quick shower and then head back. Am I picking Tommy up from his playdate still?"

"Oh, uhm, my dad actually wants to take him for the weekend, so he offered to pick him up from Nina's. I thought it'd give us some good alone time." She moved to get up but stopped as she felt her stomach flutter. Her brows knotted together.

"You okay, Liv? Everything alright?" Fitz asked, he was in front of her in seconds. Despite being in her second trimester, her endometriosis meant she still wasn't out of possible loss window.

She smiled. "I am – we're good. I think she's kicking."

"She?" Fitz repeated. "We haven't gone for that ultrasound yet. That's next week. Plus, your stepmom was right about Tommy. I think she's right here, too. You are having another Grant man."

Olivia's grin widened. She wasn't going to tell him that she already knew they were having a girl. Her doctor's receptionist had slipped up earlier that morning. Plus, her stepmother's boy prediction was because Olivia had asked the other woman to lie. "Another Grant man… I think the world doesn't need any more of those."

He cut his eyes at her before bending low to kiss her belly. "Daddy's little boxer."

"Go shower babe."

"I'm going, I'm going."

/

The last three months had been good for Olivia. Her pregnancy wasn't smooth but unlike with Tommy, she didn't have her head in the toilet every day. There wasn't any intense swelling of her ankles, legs, or hands; she could eat chocolate still. Yes, it was all good. All except…she couldn't find a firm willing to take her.

Olivia was a damn good lawyer. She was a closer; the juggernaut. But the last few years she'd fallen a couple of pegs in the ranks while trying to balance her son and husband. Doors that she'd kicked down had slowly been put back in place as older, male superiors shifted work away from her desktop in the assumption she needed time to raise her family. Now she was having a hard time getting in more than five words with law firms that once salivated to have her on their team. They'd take one look at her belly tucked beneath her peplum blouse and give her the oldest brush off in the book, 'don't call us, we'll call you.'

Her phone buzzed against the granite countertop dragging her attention away from bubbling electric tea kettle. The afternoon quickie with Fitz was much needed; it'd been a nice kick of adrenaline and serotonin, but reality was quickly setting in again. She'd gotten _another_ rejection from a law firm. This time it came with a congratulations on her pregnancy.

Olivia sighed. Again, her phone buzzed. She picked it up just as the electric kettle stopped. Starring back at her was a text from Ben. '_Got a min_?' it read. _'Call me if you do. I think I've got a firm for you.' _

It was stupid of her. Completely stupid, but despite Fitz's pleas, she was still talking to Ben. It'd started off as a simple 'hope you're well' text and evolved from there. She'd been sharing her job woes with Ben; saddened by the fact that he blamed himself for her leaving their former firm.

Sighing, she lifted her phone and dialed his number. He answered on the second ring. "Livvie."

"Hey, you think you've got something for me?"

"Hello, Ben, how are you doing today? Just fine, Liv. How about yourself?" His tone was teasing.

Olivia smiled. "Hi, Ben, how are you?"

He chuckled. "Thank you. Now, how are you? How's the baby?"

"She's good." Instinctively, Olivia placed a hand to her belly. "I feel like she's going to be a soccer played with the way she keeps kicking me, though."

"_Her?_ You found out the sex already?"

She frowned, realizing that she'd let the secret slip to Ben when Fitz didn't even know. "Yeah, the nurse called me the other day to schedule another follow up and she let it slip. She didn't know that I didn't know yet."

"Wow, well congrats. I know you were itching to have a little Olivia walking around in this world. I'm certain she'll be beautiful, just like her mother."

Olivia blushed, her cheeks swelling. "Thank you. Now, what about this firm?"

"Oh, right, right. How fast can you be at Gettysburger?"

At the mere thought of her favorite restaurant, Olivia's belly rumbled. "Well, if little miss has anything to say about it, twenty minutes.

"Good. Jessica Pearson of Pearson & Shaw are interested in talking to you."

Olivia leaned against her kitchen counter, suddenly super interested in what Ben had to say. "Jessica Pearson? How'd you get Jessica Pearson to agree to talk to me?"

"I didn't _get_ her to do anything. She's an old friend and I mentioned that you were out on the firm hunt. She asked if I could set you two up and I agreed."

"I could kiss you right now, Ben."

"I'll settle for you buying me a burger after your meeting. I told her you could be there by 3PM. That work?"

Olivia looked at the clock above her stove. It was 1:45PM. She still smelled freshly fucked, doing only the bare minimum of a cleanup job, wanting to drink some peppermint tea before she hoped into a warm bath. "I can be there."

/

Jessica Pearson was a tall woman. Statuesque and commanding. Olivia Pope knew of her from different whispers in the legal world but had never come across the woman on her own. Sitting across from her in a lively gimmick restaurant in the heart of DC.

"So," Jessica smiled, "Ben tells me that you left his firm for personal reasons?"

Olivia's smile dimmed. "Yes."

"Would those reasons be the belly under that gorgeous blouse or other ones?"

Jessica's directness caused Olivia to pause. She tilted her head, running through the last few months, and wondered how much she should say. Were the reasons she left any of Jessica's business? Briefly, her thoughts fluttered to Fitz. Again, she frowned before clearing her face. Blank eyed, Olivia answered Jessica's question. "Other ones. I can do my job while pregnant."

"Good to hear that. I think Max will find you a great addition to the team. Ben was right about you," Jessica said. She pushed away her half eaten Gettysburger.

"What'd Ben have to say?" Olivia asked. Her eyes drifted behind Jessica, to Ben, who smiled back at her.

"That you were smart, a closer. Unrelenting. Stubborn as hell and might make me regret hiring you one of these days when we're at each other's throats."

"So, I'm a ball busting harpy to him?"

Jessica swiveled in her seat and looked back at Ben. "I think. . . I think I'll leave my comments there to myself." She turned back around and sat. "I think it's safe to say that this deal is a go. I just need you to come in next Tuesday to meet Max. We never fully hire until we've both approved."

Olivia raised a brow, somewhat confused by Jessica's words but quickly recovered. She offered the older woman a small smile. "I can definitely do next Tuesday."

"We're a smaller firm – new – but we punch up. We're going to need you on your toes."

"I can do it," Olivia repeated. "I can."

Jessica smiled and stood, grabbing her tray. "I'll see you Tuesday, Mrs. Grant."

"Please, call me Olivia."

"Olivia."

They exchanged smiles. Olivia thanked Jessica for her time, and they parted ways. Once Jessica was gone, Ben stood from his table and walked over to join Olivia.

"Did you get the job?" he asked.

"I did not."

He frowned.

"I got another interview. This time with Shaw. She has to approve before I can be hired on."

"I'm glad. I hope this is a go for you. I think you'll enjoy working with she and Max."

"She said they weren't exactly hiring but you made such a strong case for me that she couldn't refuse. Why are you helping me out like this? After how we ended? After how I treated you?"

"I told you, there's no hard feelings about that."

Olivia didn't believe him. Her eyes met his and she studied his face. She looked for any sign – a quiver of the lip, a twitch of the eye – to see how he really felt. Without thinking, she set her hands on the table and began to toy with her bridal set. "You're a good man, Ben, and I wish—" her words trailed off; she didn't know how to finish them.

"I wish that I'd met you before him."

His words nearly knock Olivia's breath out of her body. They unsettled her and she gave him a small, strained smile. "Ben, my husband and I…we're good."

"I know. And that's life and I'm okay with that. I know you were having a hard time finding a position and Jessica is a good friend. I think you'll thrive at her firm. It won't be the corporate big bucks you're used to – well, not yet at least – but you'll I think you'll love it. Just think, a little Black Girl Magic in your firm every day."

Olivia laughed. "I think I still owe you a sandwich."

"I think you do."

/

Five months into Olivia's second pregnancy and Fitz straddled the line between nervous and elated. They still weren't out of danger, yet. Olivia was heading into her sixth month which just meant instead of a miscarriage, there could be a stillbirth. He'd been trying everything to keep Olivia calm and away from stress. He could see, however, that being out of job was starting to drive her insane. Despite the warnings from her doctor, Olivia needed to work, and Fitz stopped trying to talk her out of it. He knew that Olivia needed something to focus on, so he played her champion. He kept in her corner and cheered her on as firm after firm passed her over. Each rejection broke her heart a little more than the last and Fitz was determined to find her a pick-me-up. Which is why he was heading to Gettysburger before he headed home. When she was pregnant with Tommy milkshakes were Olivia's guilty pleasure. Now, with the new baby, burgers seemed to be her go-to. In the last week alone, she'd had at least six. She was a burger fiend and Fitz was more than happy to oblige.

He pulled into the Gettysburger parking lot, taking a double look at the pearl white Mercedes c300 he'd pull alongside. For a second he thought the car might belong to his wife but shrugged it off. He headed into the restaurant, towards the front counter. His eyes glimpsed the menu as he looked for something for himself to eat. He'd had enough of burgers and was in the mood for something lighter. As the counter girl asked him if he was ready to order, an all too familiar laugh caught his attention. Fitz's head turned at the sound to find Olivia sitting across from _Ben. _Flames filled his eyes. His fingers flexed and he saw red.

Anger and rage pumping through his blood, Fitz made a beeline for his wife and _Ben. _The two seemed so caught up in one another that they didn't see him coming. Fitz watched as Ben reached out a hand beneath the table, the man's hand grazing Olivia's belly. Unable to reel in his anger, Fitz imploded. His vision blurred and his body moved on its own accord. He didn't hear his wife call his name or the counter girl scream for him to stop until he'd already dragged Ben from the booth, down onto the floor. He pulled back his fist to strike but was stopped by a male restaurant worker.

He was still seething as Olivia came into focus. Tears streamed down her face and Fitz immediately went into high alert, somehow finding his calm.

"Fitz, what the hell are you doing?" she screamed.

Caught between anger and worry, he yanked his way out of the pimple faced teenager that'd somehow managed to pull him away from Ben. Aside from some dust bunnies stuck to his blazer, Ben was okay, too. Clearly shaken but okay, nonetheless.

"What am I doing?" He asked, incredulous. "Me? I came to get my wife and our baby a goddamn burger just to find her here with a man she swore she wouldn't call, see, even say hi to."

"It's not like that, Fitz. It's not like that at all," Olivia said, "he set me up on an interview for a job. That's it."

"That's all, man," Ben spoke, standing and brushing off his jacket. "I knew Olivia was still looking for a job and I had a friend who owed me a favor. I—"

Fitz lunged at Ben again but was stopped by the teenager still holding his arm back. "And what the hell do you want from her for that favor, huh?"

"Fitz!" Olivia hissed.

"Don't you fucking Fitz, me!" he growled. "He's in love with you. I see the way he looks at you and you can't seem to get that through your thick head."

"That's not fair, Fit—"

"Save your sanctimonious bullshit for someone else, Olivia." There was far more venom in Fitz's voice than he originally intended. His anger even shocked him. Olivia's mouth dropped open and she seemed to be at a loss for words. A harsh silence fell between the couple, interrupted only by the arrival of footsteps and a foreign voice.

"Sir, ma'am, I'm going to have to ask all of you to leave or I will be forced to call the police."

Fitz turned to find a middle-aged gentleman in a navy-blue button up and black slacks. The man's tag read 'manager.' He nodded, chuckled humorlessly to himself, and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. He wasn't doing this. Not again. His eyes moved from Olivia to Ben. His throat tightened and he could feel tears swell behind his eyes. How could she do this again?

Taking a deep breath, Fitz spoke, "You know what, Ben, she's all yours." Fitz raised his hands in surrender before backing out of the restaurant and to the parking lot. He could hear her footsteps behind him, following him. She was calling his name, but it didn't matter anymore.

/

The sun had long set by the time Fitz got home. He'd been spinning his wheels in the D.C streets since breaking from the restaurant, needing a break from it all. He'd gone by Eli's to check on his son, happy to find the boy elbow deep in dinosaur "fossils" with his grandfather. Now it was time to face the music. He'd done a lot of think on his drive and he was ready to lay it all out with his wife.

He found her on the stairs that led to the second level of their home. She'd changed into a pair of sweatpants and his old navy t-shirt. Any other night and the look of her in his clothes would've caused him to sweep her off her feet and to bed. Right now, though, he almost couldn't bear the sight of her.

"I've been calling you," she said.

"I turned my phone off." He tossed his keys into the glass bowl by the front door.

"We need to talk," she continued, standing. His shirt stuck to her swelling belly. "What you saw this afternoon…"

He shook his head. "No. You don't get to explain it. You don't get to tell me that I didn't see what I saw."

"Fitz."

"No. I don't know what it is with you and this man but I'm tired of wondering whether or not you're lying to me about seeing him. When did you two start speaking again?"

She didn't respond, prompting Fitz to chortle. He smiled to himself. "That's what I thought."

Tears swelled her eyes and her bottom lip quivered. "I don't want him, I don't. I don't love him."

"You might not love him, but there's something there you need to sort out with him. Something I can't help you with." It was a stark realization he came to on his drive but one he stood behind.

"I don't want him, Fitz, I want you. You're my husband. You're the father of my children. It's _you_, baby. Please. I just needed help finding a firm and Ben…"

"If you want me as much as you say you do, Olivia, then earn me. If not, let me go." He challenged, bypassing her on the steps. "I'll be in Tommy's room."


	5. Earn Me, Pt 2

**A/N:** For Ree Monique, a respiratory therapist on the front lines in the midst of all of this madness who said that updates are keeping her positive. Thank you for your service. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for being on the front lines. May whatever God or entity you worship continue to bless you. And if by chance she doesn't see this, someone in the Scandal FF FB let her know I'm grateful!

Earn Me is a trilogy, which means there's still one more part to go. That one's going to take me a minute since I'm already on page six and nowhere near done with every point I intend to hit. Hopefully you'll enjoy this even though I'm well aware that Olivia is frustrating as hell. Shout out to folks who recognized my use of Max & Gina Torres' Jessica Pearson.

JustAFan - thanks for trusting me.

Everyone else, thanks for reading!

* * *

A week went by and much to Olivia's dismay, Fitz still wasn't speaking to her, nor was he sleeping in their bed. Every night after they put Tommy to bed, he'd retire to the futon in his office. Every morning he'd wake in pain Olivia would offer him ibuprofen and their bed. He didn't bite. If it wasn't for Tommy or the baby in her belly, he didn't care. Olivia started to see that she just might have lost her husband. Today was the test to see if this were true. It was the day of her six-month check-up. A day where she needed Fitz by her side.

"Are you still coming to my appointment today?" she asked over her cup of herbal tea. Her eyes met Fitz's as he slid around the island, away from her.

"I work in the hospital, Olivia, of course I'll be there." Despite his tone being level, she still felt the bite in his words. He was still lashing out.

"If you don't want to be, I can just ask my step-mother."

"Another facet of our lives you want to cut me out of, huh."

She frowned at his words. The verbal shot cutting her in half as she set down her mug. "That's not –"

"Fair," he finished for her. "You find a lot of things I do not to be fair but none of your own things…"

Again, she frowned. "Fitz—"

"See you later." He didn't look back as he grabbed his car keys and an orange from the basket in the center of the island, disappearing out of the front door before Olivia could truly assess the fact that he'd even spoken to her at all.

/

Shifting in the vinyl chair, Olivia frowned. It was twenty-past the time she was set to meet with Maxine Shaw. The receptionist who looked to be still in college kept giving Olivia the runaway. Max would be out in a minute. Max was taking a call. Olivia started to think that Max wasn't real.

"Olivia, are you here to meet with Max?"

Olivia lifted her head to see Jessica Pearson. The woman's skirt and blazer set were impeccably tailored, she wore three-inch Jimmy Choo's that made her tower over Olivia, and her long hair hung in loose waves down shoulders. "Hi. Uhm, yeah. I think she may have forgotten about me, though, and unfortunately I don't have much more time to wait around."

Jessica frowned and clicked her tongue. "Yeah, Max is the type to get on something and get tunnel vision."

"I have to get to get to my obstetrician's soon. My husband will be waiting on me."

"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" Jessica asked.

Olivia nodded; one eyebrow raised. "Okay."

"Not here, though, follow me."

The pair made their way through a set of double doors, down a hallway littered with photographs that Olivia recognized as being the work of Carrie Mae Weems. Finally, they came to a stop at a corner door. Jessica ushered Olivia inside and shut the door behind them, taking the seat behind her glass desk. Olivia followed suit and took the seat opposite Jessica; she was unable to hide the confusion on her face.

"Is this about the job because you could've really told me that the offer was rescinded in the lobby. I should really get going." Olivia scooted to the edge of the chair, cursing herself for ever sitting down. It would take a minute for her to get up.

"Oh no, it's not that. At all. I just. Look, Olivia, if you're going to work with me then you're going to have to know that I am a straight-forward person. Beating around the proverbial bush isn't in my nature."

"I'm not following." Olivia's head tilts.

"What's going on between you and Ben?"

Her eyes widened at the question in clear affront. Jessica nodded, something between a grimace and smile cross her face. "That's what I thought."

"Thought what?" Olivia's tone was combative. "I don't know what you _think_ you know about me and Ben, but there isn't _anything_ going on between us. I am married."

Jessica licked her lips. "I can see that and so can Ben, yet he isn't respecting it. I've known Ben for a long time, Olivia He is a good friend. I know him well enough to know that he isn't respecting your marriage and won't. I also know that he's a man who enjoys fighting for things that are unattainable and is a man who gets them. After he gets them is where the trouble sets in."

Olivia recoiled and her eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth prepared to tell her perhaps-maybe-not-future-boss's words but stopped short, changing directions. "There isn't anything going on between me and Ben," she doubled down.

"A man doesn't call his ex's law firm for anyone."

"Is this what this is about then? You and Ben dated now under some misguided care you're insinuating that we have a _thing_?" Olivia wasn't able to stop the defense in her tone or the slight jealousy that laced her words.

Jessica laughed. "I've never dated Ben and never would. He and Max were a thing. A hot and heavy thing a while back. Engagement ring and all. They haven't seen eye to eye since, which is why he came to me for you knowing full well I'd have to go to Max."

An irrational spike of jealousy rippled in Olivia's belly. Suddenly she wanted to meet this Max, to learn more about the woman who'd been engaged to the man she considered a friend. She wanted to know what this woman was like; what hadn't their relationship worked out, and more importantly whether or not there was some truth to Jessica's words. "I'm sorry, but I'm still not understanding," Olivia lied. She took a measured pause, allowing a beat to pass. "But there really isn't anything going on between me and Ben. He's. He was there for me when I needed an ear and I'm thankful."

Jessica opened her mouth to reply but stopped short. A knock on the door drew both women's attention. It was the receptionist. "Max's is ready for you."

Nodding, Olivia shuffled to the edge of the chair and pushed herself up. Her six-month belly was setting in and so was the swelling. Her blood pressure had been on an upward climb since her argument with Fitz started. She'd been trying not to pay any mind to it, counting it as hysteria and fear on her end, but she knew she should say something to her husband and doctor soon.

"I promise you, Olivia, I wouldn't have said any of this if I didn't think you deserved to hear it. Contrary to what you may think, I like you. I want you on my team. I think you'd make a hell of a lot of difference here. I know Max will see that, too. Sometimes, though, we're blinded by what we want to see and not what actually is. Sometimes a plastic rose is just that – plastic."

Olivia gave Jessica a small, tense smile, and walked out.

/

How the hell was she late to her own obstetrician appointment? Everything had gone smoothly with Max, almost too smooth, leading Olivia to forget watching her wristwatch and the fact that she was on a timeline. She waddled through the halls of GWU hospital in Foggy Bottom, one hand on her stomach and the other swinging her purse. Fitz was never going to let her live this down. Ever. He'd told her that he didn't want her going to the damn job interview and now he'd have more fodder for the flames in their marriage right now. She pushed past a couple of orderlies and scooted around an empty wheelchair. If she could run, she would've been.

As she reached the ultrasound room, she heard a woman's high, flirty laughter followed by the sound of her husband's voice. It sounded lighter, smoother; the bitter edge she'd been hearing for the last seven days was gone. In its place stood a man who was confident, easy going, and ready to take control. Frowning, Olivia made her way into the room. Her eyes connected first with Fitz's, watching as the smile on his face faded, and then with the ultrasound tech's. Olivia studied the woman, annoyance building in her bones. The woman was pretty; probably not over the age of thirty. Her long curly black hair was pulled back into a loose pony. She had a soft, round face with dimples, green eyes that sparkled beneath the fluorescent lights of the hospital, and buttery brown skin. Olivia watched as the woman grabbed onto Fitz's left arm and threw her head back in laughter.

"Am I interrupting something because I can come back. I just kinda have to take the baby with me, too." Olivia joked but the brusque tone of her words belied her attempt at levity. She was trying – and failing – to remain unbothered by the scene at hand.

"Good of you to join us, Olivia." Fitz stood. She was thankful that he didn't wear his white coat down. When she was pregnant with Tommy, he loved to remind the doctors and ultrasound technicians that he was a doctor. Almost as if it were a threat, he was waiting to act on despite the fact that he was a heart surgeon.

"You must be Olivia. Hi, welcome. Your husband was just telling me about your son. He sounds like a great boy."

Olivia's eye caught sight of woman's name tag. Kim. "Thanks, Kim. _Our_ son is great, and you can call me _Mrs. _Grant." From his corner of the room, Fitz chortled. Olivia narrowed her eyes at him.

Kim looked taken aback. Her green eyes moved from Olivia to Fitz. "Okay, uhm…Mrs. Grant. Just hop right up onto the bed and we'll get this started."

Olivia did as she was told, holding a hand out for Fitz to help her. He took her hand and guided her up onto the exam table. The pressure she'd felt in her ankles immediately abated and she breathed a sigh of relief. What little walking she'd done for the day was starting to take toll on her back and legs.

Fitz grabbed her purse and set it on the counter. He took the stool on the right of Olivia as she rolled up her peplum top to expose her ever swelling belly. Kim went to work turn on the monitor, putting on gloves, and grabbing the grabbing the ultrasound gel.

"Isn't this your favorite blouse?" Fitz asked. "Why would you wear this to an ultrasound?"

She frowned, remembering that she hadn't told him that she had the interview. "I don't want to argue right now, Fitz." She flinched as the cool jelly hit her exposed belly.

"Argue? What – don't tell me you had another lunch."

Olivia's eyes found Kim, who appeared to be too focused on what she was doing to pay mind to the squabbling couple. Either that or she just pretended to be. "No, I had an interview."

Fitz sighed and let out a low, humorless chuckle that caused Olivia to frown. "What now?"

"Nothing," he said. He turned away from her, towards the monitor.

The wand was even colder than the gel as it moved across her abdomen. She opened her mouth to respond to him; to clearly tell him that something was wrong, but stopped as the low humdrum of her baby's heartbeat punctured the air. Much like with Tommy, Olivia's heart nearly stopped as she heard the sound. Her breath hitched and a smile longer than a mile spread across her face. Each time she heard her children's heartbeat, she was reminded of how precarious her body was and how even having one child seemed like an impossibility. Now here she was, with two.

"Everything looks good, so far. The heartbeat is strong. I'm counting ten fingers and ten toes. And are we finding out the gender today? Oh, wait, it looks like it was already given to Mrs. Grant on the call to double check appointment day. In that case, are we telling dad?" Kim asked.

Olivia watched as the woman's green eyes sparkled in Fitz's direction and her smile widened. Even Olivia had to admit that the woman was cute. Too cute for her liking.

"You already know what we're having?" Fitz asked.

"Not on purpose," Olivia said. "Whoever makes the appointments told me the other day when they called to confirm this one."

Fitz sighed again. "Did you tell anyone?"

"No," she lied. The last thing she didn't want was another burgeoning argument on her hands. "I wanted it to be a surprise. Do you want to know?"

"Yes," he said. Kim opened her mouth, but Fitz cut her off. "Wait, no." Kim's mouth closed.

Olivia laughed. "Baby."

"You're adorable, Fitz," Kim added. "Fatherhood is a good look for you."

Olivia's blood ran hot again. She hated the way the words rolled off of Kim's tongue. She was starting to hate Kim, too.

"Okay. I want to know. I do," Fitz said. He reached for Olivia's hand and for the first time in a week, Olivia felt like he was her husband once again. "Tell me."

"Congratulations, Fitz. Mrs. Grant. You're having a –"

"Boy." Fitz declared as he cut off the tech.

"Girl." Kim said, laughing. "You're having a girl."

"We're having a girl?" He repeated. "As in a little girl? As in a pink bows and flowers?" The excitement in his tone was contagious.

Olivia nodded. Tears pricked her eyes. "Yes, a little gi—" Fitz cut her off with a chaste kiss to the lips, pulling a way to kiss her stomach.

He grimaced as the gel hit his lips. "Not my smartest idea, but I'm…"

"You might be the first dad I've ever seen to get this excited over having a girl. Usually its men that want the boys. You're cute." Kim began to go about with packing up the materials and equipment.

Annoyance rolled over Olivia in waves, cutting her elation short. She wanted to kick Kim in the head for flirting with her husband. Who the hell did _Kim_ think she was? Fitz was clearly taken. If the ring on his finger didn't say it, the six months pregnant wife sure as hell did.

"I've gotta get these results to Dr. Stephens. Congrats again, you two. And Fitz, I'll see you around." Kim gave the pair a small wave before exiting. She shut the door behind her.

"Wow, she's helpful," Olivia said as she pointed to the paper towels on the counter behind Fitz. He reached behind her and handed one. "Do you two know each other well?" she asked, wiping at her belly the best she could before giving up and handing the towel over to Fitz.

"You're starting to swell, Liv. It's not good for our baby – our daughter," he ignored the question as he wiped away the gel.

"She seemed to know you well, _Fitz._" Olivia didn't know when to leave well enough alone. Maybe it was the fact that her hormones currently pulled her in opposite directions simultaneously or maybe it was the jealous, but she wasn't going to leave this alone any time soon. "I didn't know a heart surgeon made it over to gynecology and obstetrics often enough to know anyone by name."

"She's a sonographer. She moves around the hospital more than I do, _Mrs._ _Grant_."

"That's my name." Olivia shot back, sitting forward. She pulled down her top.

"It's funny you only remember that when it's convenient for you."

The anger in Olivia deflated. "I don't want to fight, Fitz. I want to celebrate our daughter and the fact that I got the job. Please."

"Congrats. Look, I've gotta get back to my side of the hospital. I was thinking of going up the street to Whole Foods when my shift ends. What do you want for dinner?"

"You back in our bed. I don't like sleeping alone, baby." She couldn't help the pleading tone that her voice took on.

Fitz gave her a half smile, one that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Are you done with Ben? Are you willing to restart therapy because Sondra was right; we shouldn't have ever stopped going."

"We got busy with life, Fitz. With our son. Wait, you've been talking to my step-mother about us?"

"You didn't answer the question."

When her back was against the wall, Olivia had the annoying habit of doubling and tripling down rather than conceding defeat. She was several notches passed stubborn and moments like these were only proof. "I'm going home."

"I want us to be together, Livvie. I don't want to give up on you or what we've built, but I need you to –"

"Earn you. Right. I got that. I don't know what the hell that even means." There were the tears again.

He stepped forward and Olivia could feel her body start to react to his proximity. She reached for him and he cupped her face with both hands, holding her jaw. His thumbs ran along her bottom lip. "Either you love me enough to prove it, Liv, or love me enough to let me go." He kissed her forehead and then walked out.

She watched him go, unable to stop the quiver of her bottom lip or the onslaught of tears as Fitz disappeared.


	6. Earn Me, Pt 3

**A/N:** Something tiny as I try to get back to some of my other stories besides Metanoia. It's a bit of a push to switch to a story your muse isn't ripe for at the moment, but well worth if it puts a smile on someone's face to get a notification. Then y'all can hate me. Shout out to Tamarra for making me think about this again.

* * *

Everything hurt.

No matter which position Olivia tried, she couldn't find a way to relieve the pain radiating across her lower back. Her daughter was making her life a living hell. With just a little over a month left to go, Olivia found herself teetering over the edge. Swollen. Cranky. Sad.

She and Fitz still weren't okay. They were cordial to each other when Tommy was around and he over-monitored her when it came to the baby, but outside of that, Fitz was downright stoic. Olivia started to wonder if she'd truly lost her husband. They'd come back from the brink before, though. They could do it again, right? Except Olivia was scared. She was terrified of putting everything back into their marriage and ending up back here again. If only she could see the great deal of irony in that line of thinking. Perhaps then she could see that she was becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps then, she could find some relief.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she made her way down the hall, to Fitz's study. She lifted her hand to knock. A dull thud sounded and she pressed her forehead against the wood, waiting. When the door finally opened, Fitz stood before her. Alarm spread across his face.

"Is something wrong with the baby?" he asked.

Olivia's bottom lip quivered. Normally the sight of him, curls tussled, shirt crumpled, and legs on display, sent her into an uncontrolled tizzy. Now, however, it was the opposite. The pain proving too acute for her to do anything other than seek relief. The tears slipped over her eye lids and rolled down her face. "My back hurts." Pain wrapped around her tone. "She's trying to break my spine."

Alarm turned to understanding, prompting Fitz to nod. "Go get in bed and I'll be there in a minute."

Without a word, she turned and made her way back to their bedroom.

A meld of classic and minimalist, Olivia held onto the footboard as she fought to find a way to sit. It was difficult and uncomfortable, but she managed to perch on the bed's edge. On the side where Fitz usually slept. Her eyes slipped closed but opened seconds later when their bedroom door squeaked open. In his hands he held an old-fashioned water bottle.

"I got you a hot water bottle. Lie on your side so I can rub out those knots. After this, we're going to elevate your feet." Fitz instructed. Olivia had no fight left inside her.

"Help, please?" she begged, sounding like their now seven-year-old. "It hurts so bad."

He was at her side in seconds. Together they guided Olivia down onto her left side. The pressure on her sitz bones alleviated. Seconds later Fitz's fingers sunk into her back, prompting an uninhibited moan from Olivia.

"You're knotted up badly," Fitz spoke, "are you only laying on your side at night?"

"No," she lied.

"Are you on your feet in the office all day?"

Olivia could hear the disapproval in his voice. They were still at an impasse. She'd been at her new firm for a month and a half now. After promising to Jessica and Max that her pregnancy wouldn't be an issue, she had to keep up the façade that everything was alright.

"No." Another lie. She was so hellbent on proving to everyone that she was okay meant over doing herself.

"Olivia, I know that isn't the truth. Please, after everything, just tell me the truth." His fingers sunk into a particularly soft spot. She let out a low hiss. Fucking hell this sucked.

"I'm new there Fitz, I can't take a day off. I'm behind in jumpstarting my career again. I can't..."

"I wish you would let this go..."

She went tense at his words. Typical. Her career on hold. Again. He always wanted her to give up something. "I'm not letting my career go. Again" His fingers paused.

"I don't want you to let it go, I want you to look at your priorities. For me, for Tommy, and for our daughter. I want you to stop pushing me out. I want to sleep in my bed and be with my wife."

Frustration gathered between Olivia's ribs. He still didn't get it? Why couldn't cut pieces of himself off. Why couldn't he balance work and life better? "I'm not."

"Then tell me why you need to do this now?" His fingers paused right over her spine.

She jumped as she felt the warmth from the water bottle hit her skin. It was a loaded question. One where the answer was probably something as simple as projection. Maybe even fear or terror. Nonetheless, Olivia didn't want to talk about it. Not here, not now. Not when her daughter was using her spine as a punching bag. It wasn't fair. "I don't want to lose myself to just being your house-wife again."

"And Ben?"

The B word was bound to come up. What little relief she felt disappeared. "What about him? I don't know how else to tell you that there's nothing going on with him. I don't want him, I want you."

His thumbs sunk into the dip in her back, above the water bottle. Again, Olivia moaned. "You go to him with his feelings when you should be coming to me."

An argument bubbled in her throat. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to tell him that nearly a year ago now, he'd abandoned her. He'd made it possible for her to find her way to Ben. But she was right when she told Fitz that there wasn't anything between, she and Ben any more. He was someone to talk to when she felt like she couldn't talk to Fitz. Even after talking to her therapist didn't help. Ben made her feel seen.

"I'm going to go make you some ginger tea," he said. The bed dipped and then lifted as Fitz stood up. "We're should get your blood pressure checked tomorrow and another test for gestational diabetes."

"When are you going to stop punishing me for trying to have it all?" It was a question that bubbled out on its own. One she didn't know if she wanted the answer to. All of her life she'd been told to make a way to have it all. Her father's expectations had made it into her past, presence, and future.

"Because you don't have to have it all at the same time."

/

She couldn't stop the hunger from rippling across her belly as she sat at the isle in her father's house. Across the is isle sat her step mother. Sandra was a sweet woman. Amenable. Loving. She'd given Olivia more than her own mother who'd walked out on her family.

"Why don't you two go back to therapy?" Sandra asked.

Olivia stirred the peppermint tea in front of her. Last night still rested in her bones and there was a dull ache in her back. Fitz had rubbed her into sleep, creating pockets of physical relief from pain. Too bad it hadn't softened the pounding in her head.

"It's hard to find time where we're both free. And then we do, we have to worry about finding a sitter for Tommy. " It was a cop out and Olivia knew that. It rolled her stomach to think about how to contend with the fact that she was lying.

"Cut the shit, Olivia. I've known you for a good while. I know what you do when you're scared. You detach. What are you afraid of with Fitz? He's done everything you ask and somehow, it's just not enough for you. I don't get it; what more do you want?" Sandra asked.

This wasn't supposed to turn into an interrogation. She was supposed to be in and out. Pick up the book left and grandma and grandpa's and be on her way. Now it'd turned into a third-degree investigation. Sandra was a dog with a bone, too. Maybe it was the hormones flooding her body, maybe it was just having Sandra stare her in the face, but Olivia felt herself tearing up again.

"I just don't want things to go back to the way they were before everything happened. I want to be someone outside of a wife and a mother. If we go that way...if he checks out on me again I-"

"So, you're checking out first because you _think _he will?"


	7. Earn Me, Pt 4

**A/N:** Man, oh man, y'all are heated at Olivia. It's truly interesting to read everyone's responses. A couple of you sympathize with Olivia and the rest of you are ready to take her head off. Either way, I'm still digging myself out of a rut on the FF end. As usual, I hope you all enjoy this. What was once supposed to be three chapters has turned into a mini story arc due to a fickle muse so please forgive me.

Happy T-Day. Please stay safe & stay vigilant.

* * *

A sharp knock on his office door jolted Fitz awake. He sat up fast, realizing that he'd fallen asleep at his desk. Immediately his hand reaches for his phone, turning it over to see if he'd missed a call from Olivia. Nothing. The knock sounded again. He ran a hand down his face in an attempt to shake the sleep from his face.

"Come in," he called.

The door swung open and behind it stood Kim with a folder in hand. A genuine smile spread across Fitz's face at the sight of her, her now honeysuckle curls, and soft green eyes. "If you're here to apologize about the thing with my wife_ again_, please don't. It was nearly two months ago, Kim." Since her run-in with Olivia, Kim had found the need to apologize profusely for any discontent caused between the couple; a fact that irked Fitz. If anything, Kim was an innocent bystander and Olivia – pregnant or not – in Fitz's eyes, had been the aggressor.

Kim smiled and her dimples sparkled. She was beautiful. Cute even. "I wasn't, but now I feel like I should." Her long lashes fluttered and she shot him a thousand-watt smile that slowly dimmed. "I'm here to let Cecil Harris's EKG results are in and it looks like you were right, his Ischemia is stopping us from getting a good read to proceed with surgery."

"So, it looks like Dr. Hines was right, Mr. Harris has been skipping out on his blood thinners. Alright. I'll call Dr. Hines after lunch. Thanks for letting me know." He tugged on his curls, yawning slightly, stomach rumbling. He hadn't slept well last night. He'd spent the majority of it worried about the swelling happening in Olivia's wrists, calves, and ankles. The closer they drew to her due date of July 13th; the more paranoid Fitz grew. Especially since Olivia now worked. The commute, the cases, everything he feared from Olivia returning to work while pregnant, was coming to fruition. He'd married Olivia for her fire and now wanted to shake that fire out of her for at least the next five-ish weeks.

"No problem," she said, taking a step from the door and handing over the folder in hand. As Fitz grabbed it, his stomach rumbled and groaned. Loud. His cheeks tinted pink. "If my son was here, I'd blame him," joked Fitz. "Sorry. I didn't realize I was this hungry. I also forgot to pack my lunch. My brain has been -"

"On your very pregnant wife. It's understandable, Fitz. I'm walking over to Sweet Greens for lunch in about twenty. I can grab you something?" Kim suggested. The fluorescent light danced off her soft brown skin and bright green eyes.

Fitz checked his left wrist, eyes falling to his watch. "Actually, would you mind if I tagged along? I could use the walk."

"Sure, I usually eat alone and stare off into space so company could be nice."

"Why do you eat alone and stare off into space?" Fitz pried, her words catching him off guard.

She laughed. "I'm actually supposed to be studying and eating. The plan was to never be a sonographer for long. I'm in my final semester of nursing school."

"Oh, so you're using me to get out of your responsibilities, then?"

"Shut up."

/

Their bantered continued into lunch as they sat across from one another. Fitz pushed a few loose sweet potatoes around his plate. Eating with Kim was a nice change of pace. It felt like biting into a fresh sprig of mint. The stress from fighting with Olivia and worrying about Olivia seemed to meld away as he settled into his seat, wiping his hands on a napkin.

"There are like three sweet potatoes on that plate. Don't make me treat you like I treat my four-year-old."

"Five-year-old?" Fitz cocks a brow. "I didn't know you had kids."

Across the table, Kim shrugs. "Just one." She reaches us to flip the badge pinned to her sea moss colored scrub top.

A curly-headed little boy with bright green eyes stared back at Fitz. The boy wore a brown dinosaur shirt and sported a toothy grin. In hand he held a stuffed turtle. Fitz couldn't help but to think of Tommy as he stared at the photo and then turned his attention back to Kim. "He's beautiful. You and your husband must be proud." The photo fell back into place as a somber tight smile cascaded across Kim's face. He could tell he'd accidentally tap danced on a nerve from the look on her face. "I mean boyfriend?"

"Jaden's father and I aren't together at all." Kim said.

"I - it's his loss," Fitz offered in a last-ditch effort to save himself. "Sorry, I didn't - I..." The mood between them shifted and despite not knowing the exact button he hit, he still felt like an ass. Clearly something he'd said triggered her.

"You're okay. You didn't say anything wrong." She reached across the table and patted the top of his left hand. "Uhm, Amiri – Jaden's dad – used to like to drink and to knock me around."

Fitz felt his jaw drop at Kim's confession. They'd shared a lot over lunch. He'd told her about couples counseling, about some of the names he and Olivia had tossed around for their daughter, and even last Christmas when Tommy pulled, he and Olivia back together. Never had Fitz expected to hear this, though. "I'm so sorry, Kim. A man who raises his hand to a woman isn't a man at all."

Kim's eyes fell to the wooden table top. "Don't pity me, Fitz. I hate to be pitied."

"I don't pity you. I admire you. I know a lot of women – and even men – who don't make it out. You got yourself and you got your son out. That takes a lot of courage." Fitz said. He was starting to see Kim in a new light. "It also takes a lot of courage to admit to a virtual stranger that something like that happened to you. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me."

She looked up, smiling wide at wide. "I guess it's true what they say."

"What's true?"

"The good guys are always taken. Ol—_Mrs. _Grant – is a lucky woman."

Fitz nearly opened his mouth to interject, to say that Olivia didn't seem to think so or if she did, he was still far from perfect, but didn't. It felt odd to receive a compliment of this nature from Kim. Unlike a lot of the nurses, techs, phlebotomists at the hospital who'd watched too many episodes of E.R and Greys Anatomy in the hopes they'd learn how to bag a doctor, Kim had never been one to come onto him. She probably wasn't even coming onto him now. He was probably overthinking everything; a true specialty of his.

"You should bring Jaden over to play with Tommy one of these days."

Kim chortled, stacking her trash onto the tray she'd carried her plate on. "Your wife would have my head on a platter."

Again, Fitz opened his mouth to interject, but stopped short. Olivia was . . . well Olivia. While his jealousy manifested in physical rage, her jealousy flared in other ways. She had a wicked tongue in more ways than one. "Livvie is a lot nicer than she acts. It's the baby turning her into Rosemary." He joked though there was clearly a lack of humor in his words.

"We should get back to the hospital." She winked as she stood.

/

Olivia slipped off her heels, wincing as her toes hit the plush carpet underneath her home desk. The D.C drive had been far beyond hell today and she was elated to be home. Tommy would be home from his grandfather's any time soon. She rested a hand on top of her stomach, turning over Sandra's words. Was she the one checking out of Fitz this time around? Was she the one who stopped trying?

Things had gone so well in the first couple of months after the pregnancy confirmation. She lived in a fairy tale bubble that burst three rejection letters in to her job search. Going to Ben hadn't been her smartest choice, that was a given, but why couldn't Fitz see she hadn't gone to Ben because she wanted to hurt him. Hurting her husband was the last thing on her mind. If anything, she was worried that staying home, staying stationary, would inevitably leave her to repeat history and to become her mother.

Maya Pope had abandoned her husband and daughter when Olivia was barely fourteen years old. She'd disappeared into the ether, citing a lack of fulfillment beyond the spaces of mother and wife. When Maya had finally reappeared nearly twelve years later at Olivia's wedding, it took everything in Olivia to not deck her mother into her four-tiered wedding cake. Olivia's eyes filled with tears and she reached for her cell, scrolling through the long list of contacts before landing on the last person she thought she'd ever want to talk to again, let alone contact.

The phone rang twice before a familiar voice answered. "Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Livvie?"

At the sound of her name in her mother's voice, Olivia hung up. She slammed her phone down on the desk. It'd made a low thud and Olivia winced, knowing she'd probably just cracked her phone screen. "I don't want to lose my family," Olivia cried. "But I don't want to lose me either."

She'd reached for her phone and opened her texts finding Ben. Her thumb hovered over his name. Fitz's voice rang loud in her head, '_you might not love him, but there's something there you need to sort out with him._'

**I think we should talk. **She hit send.

White bubbles wrapped in blue stared back at her. **When?**

**After I see my therapist. I'll let you know. **

**I'll be here. You know I'm always on standby for you. **

Olivia tossed her phone back on the desk as a kick to her ribs nearly took her breath away. She'd have to figure this out soon.


End file.
